Practicing Gratitude
Luna Jordan
I lived with evil for years as a child. I know it intimately. And when I say intimately, I mean it in every sense of the word. The details regarding this part of my story must remain unwritten, at least for now. But what I will say is that my life began with abuse. It was a normal part of life until I was 13 years old and then the denial of this truth pervaded my life for many, many years to follow.
I tell you this to let you know, if you have been abused, you are not alone. I am not writing to you as a clinician or medical professional. I am a survivor, like you. I have dedicated my life to healing, both mine and others. And just like brushing your teeth, your mental health requires attention to regain and maintain health.
One bit of maintenance that has helped me on this quest has been a gratitude practice .
Believe me, I know how hard it can be to commit to thinking of things for which you are grateful when your whole world has been turned upside down. But when someone in a position of authority takes advantage of you, it is NOT your fault. As hard as it can be, punishing yourself by not noticing the goodness that still exists is not fair to you.
It took me years to cultivate a practice of gratitude. I couldn’t let go of my anger and resentment for my perpetrators. I would ask, “What do I have to be grateful for? My abusers took away my sense of self and turned my mind against me. It has cost me dearly in my life. But ruminating about what might have been only served to keep me stuck in a dark place. I needed to make room for the possibility that things could be different. I wanted peace of mind and more feelings of love toward myself.
So, what do I have to be grateful for? O.k., let’s start. First, I survived. I don’t know how, but here I am able to write to you.
Had I not survived, I would never have heard the words, “I love you” from a dear friend. I had to wait until I was 19 years old to hear those words. She taught me to say it too. I can’t even write about her without tears of gratitude for this friend. Twenty-seven years later we are still friends, separated by geographical distance, but our hearts remain close and all I have to do is pick up the phone and it’s like we never spent a day apart.
But I’m just getting started. I have a cozy, peaceful little home to call my own with a dog and a yoga studio. You could count that as three more things I’m grateful for!
In the last few years, I’ve actually gotten to travel a little. I am so grateful to be able to see other places and meet people from different cultures and outlooks.
I am grateful for mother nature in all her beauty and nurturance. Taking time out in the mountains, canyons and forests that surround my town has made me feel connected to something greater than myself.
I am grateful for my friends who love me just the way I am—even when the issues I carry, as a result of the abuse, surface and I may overreact or withdraw.
I could spend many pages with all of the things I appreciate in my life after practicing gratitude for so many years. It doesn’t take away my painful past, but it does give me distance and perspective from it. My state of mind lightens and the darkness recedes.
Having trouble coming up with you own? Start small. Can you express gratitude for having enough food to eat? A warm place to sleep? A pet? A beloved friend? Please don’t beat yourself up, allow just a little goodness into your consciousness.
Gratitude practice changes feelings from sadness to gladness. It cultivates a feeling of abundance in your life, and my experience has been that when your state of mind is infused with thoughts of abundance, that energy carries you into more abundant situations in your life.
One last thing. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to share with you what has helped me. I hope it can offer some comfort to you too.