“So tell me”, I said to a well known British yoga teacher over lunch one day. “You have a very high profile and must have lots of adoring women students. Have you ever been tempted to sleep with any of them?” He paused for a bit, thinking about my question. “ Well, yes I have,” he replied. “I felt in many cases that it was my duty to heal them by having sex with them – especially if they were in unhappy marriages or ignored by their partners.” There was another pause as my jaw hit the table in disbelief. What was shocking about this conversation was his self-deception. This teacher really thought that he was doing the women involved with him a great favour. He was also first in line when it came to judging the moral behaviour of others, yet I happen to know that this teacher has broken up marriages and caused much hurt. A year later I met one of his victims, now living abroad and still recovering, several years after her involvement with him. The problem is that there are quite a few teachers in the yoga and spiritual world who share his view, causing much distress to the students concerned. Their victims may take years to get over the abuse from someone to whom they have entrusted their spiritual and mental welfare with. Sadly though, there is a lot of this behaviour going on. We have become immune to our politicians and Royals falling off the moral wagon – but there is a greater expectation of yoga teachers to walk their talk and follow codes of conduct as outlined in the Yoga Sutras. A reminder; this includes non-harm and Brahmacharya (which can be translated as sexual propriety). The Yoga Sutras also tell us to turn our senses inwards and to beware of the klesha, the veil in the mind – which includes desire and attachment – and which covers up what is really going on. The teachers that I have met who are guilty of taking advantage of their students (and some of them have celebrity status in the yoga world) seem to be completely unconscious of the harm that their behaviour can cause. But it isn’t always sex that can cause problems between students and teachers. This is very much an issue about the power and the control that teachers have – and how this may get abused.
A couple of years ago I was studying Vedanta, the science of self-realisation, with a very charismatic and charming teacher. I fell in love with him, which in itself isn’t unusual – many of us fall in love with our teachers. But I made the classic mistake of confusing the teachings with the teacher. I think now that he rather took advantage of this. I was flattered by his attention. He flirted with me. He came to live with me, albeit in the spare room. I arranged lots of retreats and teachings for him. I gave him the use of my house in Spain for his work and was preparing to leave it to him in my Will. He professed to be celibate (he is now in a relationship and consequently expected to use my house as a marital home) and he actively stopped me from having a relationship with someone I was attracted to. The man concerned even emailed this teacher, but was admonished because: “Fiona, like myself, is choosing Freedom and it would be bad for her spiritual development for her to be in a relationship.” I finally saw that this student-teacher dynamic was not for my own good and so we parted company. I gained a great deal of insight through the teachings for which I am grateful. However, the experience showed me how easy it is to put all of one’s complete faith and trust in a teacher and how dangerous it can be to hand all your power over to anyone. I am now a bit wiser and have learnt that my inner voice is the ultimate guide. In my case this wasn’t about sex – it was about power and control. I wasn’t damaged by what happened, only a bit shaken – but it opened my eyes to how easy it is to give away total trust to an authority figure.
Most yoga teachers are good, kind and morally observant. However, sadly the yoga community is also producing teachers who cause harm to students, with big names regularly being found guilty. Personality and charisma dominates much of the yoga world today with more emphasis often given to the teacher rather than to the teachings, which, in my opinion, is dangerous and encourages the very thing that we are trying to challenge – attachment to the ego. Because of my own experience, I was interested to try to understand what it is about yoga that gives the teacher such power and how even sensible, intelligent students find themselves duped. There seems to be two fundamental problems. The first is that yoga is selling a very sexy subject – that is ultimate Truth, or Freedom and this is a very compelling aphrodisiac, even if the student and teacher are unaware of this. Students often come to a yoga class, workshop or teacher-training event, in a stage of transition in their lives such as in times of illness, stress or divorce, so are naturally vulnerable.( Indeed it could be argued that all spiritual seekers are vulnerable because we are all seeking wholeness). During a class they become quiet and still and may experience glimpses of their own authentic nature, which is ultimate peace. They may consequently find themselves attracted to the teacher who seems like a Saviour to them – the person in their life who holds and can deliver complete wisdom. So it is the supreme Guru-Messianic set-up. The yoga teacher may not even be physically attractive but in the role of teacher he or she becomes very desirable. In many ways, yoga teachers represent the vicars of the 19 th century and one only has to read Mrs Henry Wood, who chronicled those times, to realise how getting the attentions of the vicar was the aim of many of the congregation! Added to this is lots of tight Lycra and physical movement which may release all kinds of powerful energies - and it cooks up a very hot recipe. Falling in love with a teacher is recognised in some Traditions as a normal process, because the teacher represents the Self, or the divine part of us that we are all are seeking, even if we are not aware of it. A responsible teacher understands this and looks after this love until the student is ready to take it back, realising the truth of being – that this is just the love and freedom of their own realised nature.
The second problem is that much of yoga teaching comes from the Indian tradition called the Gurukulam system where we are advised to put our complete faith in the teacher. “Surrender to your Guru,” the famous Indian saint Ramana Maharishi advised and he wasn’t just talking about the inner-guru, as that comes later, after the teacher has pointed the way. Conventionally, as the self-realised guru represented the divine inner nature, this surrender was about dismantling the patterns and habits of the ego until the truth of one’s own nature was seen. During my travels in India I have witnessed the Gurukulam system being abused time and time again. I have come across many teachers, both male and female, who bully, criticize, humiliate and take advantage of students who are not allowed to question them under any circumstances. The student inevitably becomes confused and distressed believing that the teacher knows something special and must surely be right. Under pressure, they give in to all kinds of demands, ignoring their own intuition which has become lost. I think the Gurukulam system doesn’t work, is dated and is a unsafe way of working – and a way of teaching which often builds up the ego of the teacher.
Donna Farhi, in her book Teaching Yoga, points out that if we want yoga to be taken seriously,then teachers need to act as professionals. In the same way that it is unacceptable for a doctor or psychotherapist to have sex with a patient, or cross social boundaries, yoga teachers need to observe stricter codes of behaviour. She adds that it may be just about acceptable to have a long-term monogamous romance, but even then the teacher needs to be scrupulous in questioning their actions and understand the balance of power of their position. She calls for a code of conduct for those who teach yoga and she is absolutely right. Some organisations do have checks and balances but these are not really working. I think on all teacher- training courses worldwide, this issue needs to be addressed in much stronger terms during preparation and training. It is simple. Teachers need to be more responsible about recognising and putting into place limits with students and have their own mentor to whom they check in with regularly. As the power lies with the teacher, boundaries are the responsibility of the teacher rather than the student. The yoga class is not a dating-pool and training as a yoga teacher is not a dating, sexual, or even social opportunity. This is even more important because of the growth of Yoga Therapy, where teachers work with students on a one-to-one basis, often in their own home. Students and teachers may develop a very close relationship as the student is directed towards their own healing . Since Farhi wrote the book in 2006, there have been yet more scandals which have rocked the yoga world including John Friend of Anusara who was accused of sexual abuse of women students and now, from my own tradition – the KHYF – where Kausthub Desikachar has stepped down amidst allegations of sexual and emotional abuse from women he ‘selected’ to be in his special sangha or community. (At the time of writing a new organisation is being set up which will remain faithful to the teachings of TKV Desikachar and Krishnamacharya but which will have no connection with Kausthub). The latter case shows that this is not just a Western problem. Rather, it is world-wide problem of declining values, which worships fame and celebrity and which thinks it is OK to form groups around a teacher based on adulation. This encourages the narcissistic and desiring part of the teacher’s ego that wants what it wants, and will delude itself by the conviction that sexual gratification, flirting, or manipulation of a student is being done in the name of healing or love – when actually it is all about maltreatment of power. Before we point the finger of judgement at these high profile names who have fallen so far from grace though, each of us needs to look at the shadow side of our own unconscious patterns. It is easy for any one of us to tumble into the trap of arrogance and discard humility - or to imagine that students are admiring us rather than the teachings. We all need to continually self-reflect, do regular self-enquiry, refer to scripture and consult with our own teachers to check out our own behaviour.
This is a serious problem in the yoga and spiritual world and it won’t go away until we are open about it and really address these issues. Like many yoga teacher I could fill pages with stories I hear about abuse from some yoga teachers (although I am talking about a minority). There was the (well-known Western) teacher in Goa who was sleeping with two women in my class. Then there was the Swami from a respected Vedanta tradition who had to step down at the beginning of 2012 after he was filmed by a secret camera having sex with vulnerable students by some German participants who were suspicious of him. I studied with this teacher so watched this all unfold with a feeling of ’oh no, not again ‘. I know many of us are fed up with it all. But here is just another example. I had a phone call last year from one of my students. She had been on a retreat abroad with a well-known British yoga teacher – another big ‘name’. He pursued her and she resisted but he kept in contact with her when she returned to the UK. He continued to court her and flatter her. At one point I met her while he was constantly ringing her. A close relative was dying and she felt desperately sad. Eventually she agreed to go to bed with him, having decided that she would have a relationship with him. As he walked her to the station the next morning, he told her that actually he was far too busy to have a monogamous relationship and wouldn’t be able to see her again. When she told me this story she was sobbing. She had just lost someone close to her and now she was being rejected by a teacher who she believed had integrity and a genuine interest in being with her. Now, you might be reading this and think that this behaviour is perfectly acceptable and wonder what the problem is. It didn’t break any laws and involved two consenting adults. But it does break all kinds of codes of professional conduct and it is not acting dharmically . The word dharma has all kinds of interpretations, but it includes not acting in a way that will cause another harm, acting appropriately and not going against the laws of nature. It is very questionable if it is ‘appropriate’ for a yoga teacher to have sex with a student.
In their defence teachers say (and I have heard this many times), that it is not their fault – the students are terrible and desperate and throw themselves at them, or do what ever they can to seduce the poor teacher. To which I say: “Oh come on now. Get a grip! “ If yoga is about anything, it is about having enough control to turn away from desire and use discrimination, so that the mind is not agitated but can become quiet. It is about turning the senses inward, as set out on the classic astanga path by Patanjali. So this is a plea to both men and women in the yoga world not from just me but from the many teachers I speak to. Please be professional. It is not OK to single out any student as special or give one more attention than another. It is not OK to use your power to criticise or manipulate anyone. It is not OK to use your students as dating material. It is not acceptable to sleep with, or have any form of sexual contact with your students. It is not all right to adjust or touch anyone in any way that may be construed as sexual or that makes the student feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. Even flirting should be questioned as it introduces an agenda which is not about yoga and gives out a confusing message. And if a student comes on to you – watch your own ego, realise the power you have in your role as a teacher and don’t take advantage of it. You are likely to be adulated. Get over it. (Just last week I had an email from a student full of praise about how I had changed her life. I wrote a nice email back, thanking her but pointing out that I am just the messenger and actually it is yoga working on the whole being which is the real magic). Realise that you may be seen as an authority figure and students may well worship you and put you on a pedestal – or even want to form an adoring group around you. But don’t misuse this power or confuse yourself with what you are teaching. If you are a student in a class and you are singled out - don’t be flattered, be careful. If a teacher does anything that makes you feel uncomfortable – leave. And my advice to those who are attracted to their teacher? Realise that you are just projecting your fantasy on to the illusion of a Guru ideal. Find another class. Because whatever you think is happening – it isn’t yoga. Y ogacittavrttinirodhah to quote the second and best known of the Yoga Sutras. Very roughly translated, yoga happens when the mind becomes quiet. So please. Let’s respect our boundaries, keep yoga pure and give it back the professionalism it deserves as an amazing teaching of Truth, Peace and Freedom.
Reference:
Teaching Yoga: Exploring the Teacher-Student Relationship , Donna Farhi, Rodmell press, 2006